Woman Breaks Up With Her Boyfriend After He Asked Her To Quit Her Career To Become A Tradwife
“I would never be fully dependent on any man.”
Prostock-studio / Shutterstock After a couple agreed to focus on their relationship and individual careers before having kids, it came as a big surprise when the woman’s boyfriend revealed a sudden change of heart and suggested his girlfriend give up her career and become a tradwife.
Some women would love the opportunity to be stay-at-home moms and embrace "traditional" roles. However, this woman isn't one of them. She found it particularly insolent that her so-called partner didn't even consider her opinion on the matter.
The woman broke up with her boyfriend on the spot and wished him luck in finding his tradwife.
She later took to Reddit’s r/AmIOverreacting forum to explain the context and ask if her reaction was too harsh.
She stated that she and her boyfriend are both 26, college-educated, goal-oriented, and career-focused. They had been dating for three years and mutually agreed to wait until their 30s — when they would ideally be married and in a more stable position — to have their first child. All in all, this was a wise plan, considering they both grew up in lower-income households and “had to struggle” to get to where they are now.
However, the woman said her boyfriend had recently been experiencing “severe baby fever” and began sending her various baby and tradwife videos while she was at work.
“I thought it was cute at first because it just looked to me like he was envisioning our future together, and I didn’t think too much about it,” the woman wrote.
It wasn't until she asked her boyfriend about the videos while they were at dinner one night that she learned of his true intentions.
Her boyfriend shared the recent plans he had been considering that involved a shift in her life and career.
He explained that he wasn’t too fond of the idea of waiting until their 30s to start a family anymore. He didn’t want them both to be working parents, and he would prefer that she give up her career and become a tradwife to raise their kids, all within the next couple of years.
"I laughed so hard at this because I genuinely thought he was joking. He’s never said anything so dumb, I swear," she wrote. He, however, was completely serious and said that he hoped she was OK with the "change of plans."
The woman stayed quiet throughout the rest of their dinner and didn’t share her thoughts until he dropped her off at her apartment later that night.
Nadya Lukic / Shutterstock
“I love you, but we’re done,” she told him after giving him a peck on the cheek. “Good luck finding your traditional wife.”
Set on her decision, she shut his car door, disregarding any of his retorts. She walked into her apartment and immediately blocked him on everything, not wanting to engage in an ongoing dispute over the matter. She knew what she wanted, and it no longer aligned with the plans he expressed to her.
“He didn’t frame anything like I had any choice and it was just too disgusting and degrading,” she emphasized. “He can find someone who wants what he wants because I’m not changing for him. I want to work, I want to wait on kids, I want to get married, we have to actually LIVE together for a bit, too.”
While her friends suggested her reaction was a bit jarring, she didn’t want to be manipulated into rearranging her plans.
As a 26-year-old woman who has built herself up in her career, she felt repulsed by her boyfriend’s suggestion to abandon everything she had worked hard for without even considering her perspective.
“He’s great, but I would never be fully dependent on any man,” the woman emphasized. “That’s the reason my family was BROKE, and I’m breaking the cycle.”
“I know he could convince me, and I can’t risk it,” she added. “I’m just not ready. He just seemed so entitled and didn’t ASK me what I wanted the whole time he was ranting.”
The woman recognized her instant choice to end the relationship may have been out of character. But she has her own plans, and anyone who can idly overlook her efforts to build a better life for herself is clearly not the right fit.
Reddit users supported the woman’s decision to end her relationship and argued her boyfriend exhibited inconsiderate behavior.
Many online agreed that his ideas didn’t align with her independent and forward-thinking nature. Such a decision should never be made on a whim. Rather, it should be deeply considered and discussed, with both individuals’ thoughts and feelings involved.
Her boyfriend may have felt drawn to the prospect of starting a family, but he failed to consider how this sudden change of plans would immensely affect her life.
“I'm a male, and my wife and I both work. I'm the one who wanted kids, and my wife was OK with it as long as we did it on her timeline,” one Reddit user shared. “Everything was always a joint decision. To have either partner just be like, ‘I want to decide your professional life and basically your entire future’ deserves to be corrected or broken up with.”
“Good partners don't just think of what they want; they understand what the other person wants and account for that,” another commenter added. “If OP has been reasonably open with her [boyfriend], he should know that this isn't what she wants. That's not something you ask for.”
Women must always have a say in deciding to become a tradwife, and it’s erroneous for men to believe they can make this choice.
In no way, shape, or form is there anything wrong with women who choose to be stay-at-home moms, but this decision can jeopardize their lives if they rush into it without considering what they’re putting on the line.
There are far too many cases of young women with so much potential who end up setting their own goals and aspirations aside to cater to their husbands and raise their kids full-time, predominantly on their own. And then somewhere along the way, they end up losing their own purpose outside their families.
When they later decide to reevaluate their career path, the work and effort that it will take to get there can feel so much more daunting.
This is why it’s essential that women who opt for a stay-at-home lifestyle still consider their career interests and ensure they are making this decision for themselves, not for their partner.
The woman who posted on Reddit was wise to choose herself rather than rush into something she knew she wasn't ready for. However, that doesn't erase the heartbreak she now has to face, all because she wants to pave her path and develop her career before starting a family.
"I’m honestly heartbroken and have not been able to stop crying about it. I thought I had my future planned and set, and it really motivated me," she expressed. "Now I’m at ground zero again."
Perhaps the woman will be able to express this to her boyfriend, and he can agree to be patient and look forward to this chapter in due time. Maybe they can come back to a mutual plan where both of their feelings are considered.
But if he truly wants a tradwife, which seems to be far from what she desires, then ending the relationship was likely for the best, and there is something greater in store for her.
Francesca Duarte is a writer on YourTango's news and entertainment team based in Orlando, FL. She covers lifestyle, human interest, adventure, and spirituality topics.